shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Boobs are out for the taking
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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