I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
