You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
