i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
