How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
