Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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