Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
