after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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