I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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