idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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