i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
