Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
