he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
