Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
