Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
