I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
