We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
