He is an equal opportunity slut.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
