so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
