A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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