You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
