The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
