Me too!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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