i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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