porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
