So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
