mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
