Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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