He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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