Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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