god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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