totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
