fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
