I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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