Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
