if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
