smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
