I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
