everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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