Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
