Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
