So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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