He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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