I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
