I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
