The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
