True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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