sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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