By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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