just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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