i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
