I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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