Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
