she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
