i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize