Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
