And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If I have put a neon “vacancy†sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize