Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
