U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
