i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
