Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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