I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
