in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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