i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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